Will I ever learn

Posted on September 28, 2010. Filed under: Me, Myself, and I | Tags: , , , , , |

Will I ever learn that he will not change.

Will I ever learn that all the things I do are unappreciated, he only cares about control.

Will I ever learn that he can’t self reflect.

Will I ever learn that he is who he is and I should just be thankful that his influence on my life is not what it used to be.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

The serenity prayer is a complete reflection of what I must remember when dealing with him.

I have the courage, that has been proven.

I have gained the wisdom- more than I wish.

Serenity and strength will beat out stupidity every time.

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No more long emails

Posted on August 16, 2010. Filed under: Me, Myself, and I | Tags: , , , , , |

Ok I am going to have a rare venting session.

I don’t like to do this too often as I want to close this door on my life and there are so many happier things to focus on, but tonight it a night to vent.

To protect the idiots I will not be as direct as I should…if they were ever to read this they will know who they are.

So here is my rant:

1. I do not need long emails. When I open up my email and see an email that requires me to scroll and scroll and scroll I do not smile. If these emails were productive or on “important” topics they might be ok, but they aren’t. So please this is not a novel-writing contest and we especially don’t need more than one a day.

2. I know you. I know you do not write these emails. Remember you only know how to TYPE IN ALL CAPS. I have seen emails from you, these are not from you. So again they are long and they are not you, so please. I can’t believe I am saying this but I would enjoy seeing an email in ALL CAPS. Cause it would be short as you hunt and peck you way to the words.

3. You need to look in the mirror. You have no self-reflection. None. None. None. You demand, yes demand things of me that you have never done yourself. That might have worked at one point but it doesn’t anymore. So write in ALL CAPS and look in the MIRROR. If you did so then the emails would never exist in the first place.

4. I will not let you control me, my moods, my life, or my happiness. I have let your black cloud control my life for too long. It doesn’t have that power anymore. Sometimes it might make a moment gray but only for a fleeting moment. The energy set forth in your emails do not have the same effect. My life and my happiness is my own.

5. I feel sorry for you. Yes as much as I wish I didn’t, I do. You are sad, your life is sad. However, you make your life what it is. I don’t see that every changing which is too bad.

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Who needs Glue?

Posted on August 2, 2010. Filed under: Me, Myself, and I | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Well we are getting closer.

Today I got to go find out MB’s kindergarten teacher. I knew the answer before I got there. There are 4 teachers. 3 women and 1 man. MB has this thing, she always wants girl teachers. Now she is always happy after she gets settled in…we have had 2 male swim coaches. But she just wanted a girl teacher so bad…so I knew even before I read the list it was going to be a male.

Bingo.

Mr. Kindergarten it is.

My neighbors have had him and rave about how great he is. I think considering the lack of real “father” presence she has had till best buddy it is going to be great for her to have a dependable male at home and school.  Looking forward to the year ahead.

While meeting the teacher it was also time to pick up the supplies. Now I had heard warnings from friends in other states that when your pre-ordered the quality wasn’t good…but no fear I saw all the good brands! I just can’t imagine what they are going to do with 3 containers of glue..not to mention the six-pack of glue sticks. Good thing we have baby wipes with all the sticky fingers in their future.

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Prelude to our weekend in Indy

Posted on July 21, 2010. Filed under: Capture the moment, The places we have been | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Our last vacation of the summer. We headed to Indy to see family and friends….it was a much-needed break after spending some time in the Franklin Courthouse.

Before we could begin our family fun my ex was determined to have MB dance in what he called a “recital”. Now MB has missed 3 recitals over the past couple years due to my ex. Recitals with costumes, dance classes that she has attended for years….this was a 4 day camp with a 15min show at the end. Of course he worked up MB to be so excited about it that we couldn’t disappoint. TB and I spent the afternoon in Cbus playing games, getting a special hair-do, and having dinner before the big show. With nothing else to do TB and I attended the whole class. The whole 2 hours of babysitting. There was a little leaping, a little dancing, snack time, arts and crafts, and the best was coloring!

Even better none of the girls were dressed in leotards except MB. Did I mention there were 3 girls? The glass started with 2 and then a friend of the teacher came in…so we had 3. In their everyday clothes and flip-flop. Even the teacher laughed when we asked when the recital was.

So after 2 hours my ex showed up with his entourage…he brought 6 other family members including himself. The other 2 girls just had a parent for pick up and I think a sibling was in tow. Yes we looked like a nutty family. They did their dance steps following the teacher who held her notebook the whole time so she could remember the steps. All this so we couldn’t leave till 9pm for a 3 hour drive home. Another poor move by my ex.

Fortunately at the end the teacher just put on the disco ball and let the kids dance. Well MB is a dancing queen…she loves our dance parties and she pulled out all her moves. Even grabbing TB for a flip mid-dance. She was in her groove. Not surprising the ex and his family were in shock, they had never seen her dance– this was all new to them???? I don’t even know how that is possible- dance parties happen weekly in our house and I have caught MB many a night turning up the radio and just busting a move. That was enough to make me smile…MB and her moves and confirming how clueless my ex is about MB.

To celebrate MB’s dance off we found a DQ and enjoyed small blizzards. Once again I had mine to myself while TB and MB swapped out their’s each trying to find the biggest piece of cookie.

With full bellies and full hearts we started out 3 hour drive and landed in Indy safe and sound at 1am.

Proof is in the pictures 🙂

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Cloudy with a Chance of Crazy

Posted on July 14, 2010. Filed under: Me, Myself, and I | Tags: , , , , , , , |

Well I am falling down on the blog this week as I continue trying to come to an “revised” agreement with my ex. I will leave it at that, unfortunately while I find other blogs a great place where people are able to journal their lives and find support this is one topic I don’t feel “safe” talking about.

So while I won’t talk details…I will say that no matter what this is one of the most stressful things in life a parent can endure. Fortunately I am no longer in this alone and TB is nothing less than wonderful. My mom is right there every step of the way as well. All stressed but all dealing with it differently. Everyone knows “emotionally eating”. We could be a commercial for it this week.  Day 1: TB barely eats, I bounce between no eating and comfort food, Mom craves sweets. Day 2: Today we spent with MB so balancing out the stress and its a normal food day. Day 3: TB barely eats till the day is done (and crazy came to town), I am able to eat slightly during the day but not at the end of the day as the decision factor is just too much. So what will tomorrow bring….I guess the one thing I know for sure we will be picking up food of some sort as soon as we get MB tomorrow.  Not a diet plan I would recommend to anyone…but I know the scale will make me proud on Monday.

I also continue to realize that true friendship and family know no distance. A support network doesn’t need to be “there” to be present. I have amazing friends/family that are there. They might be in Texas, Kentucky, Florida, the Caribbean, and a number of other states but their hearts, minds, and thoughts are here with me. The strength one can pull from that ever-present support is wonderful. I am so lucky.

Looking forward to happier posts this weekend….we are heading to see family and I can think of nothing I would rather do now then have fun and play with 4 kids under 6. Their innocence and look on life is what I need right now.

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Enough is enough

Posted on July 11, 2010. Filed under: Me, Myself, and I | Tags: , , , , , |

Today is not my best day. I am heading off once again to deal with my ex. My support network is flying in to be there with me, but these visits are never fun. Instead of getting to enjoy them it is stress filled- debating, trying to figure out what is going on, trying to reason things out,determining the right next steps. Add to that the stress I am feeling plus constant worry and concern – I am on edge and snappy, making me a joy. Doesn’t that just sound like a fun family visit. I think you can sum it up with TB’s comment– I took you to Kauai on vacation, you bring me here”…followed by a smile. Gotta love my man!

Hopefully the resolution will be good and Tuesday is our break day so I am just looking forward to enjoying the day with my mom and my girl. That is enough to get me through the next 24 hours…that and a little ice cream.

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Stick it – Serenity Prayer

Posted on June 29, 2010. Filed under: Post-it Tuesday | Tags: , , |

Making my post-its on Friday…to prepare for being on vacation. I must say today wasn’t the best of days. The unnamed continue to surprise me and not in a good way. It reminds me of a needlework my Grandmother made me…the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference. Right now I need all 3, plus trust that it will all work out as it should.

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